My Hockey Alpha: Only The Ice Knew My Heart Wears Number 9 | Read Free Preview
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Chapter 1
Pamella POV
“Dress up and clean up this mess before anyone sees you here.”
Damien’s voice came cold and emotionless as he stood from the bed, already pulling on his shirt and trousers as if nothing intimate had happened between us just now.
I sat frozen on the edge of the bed, gripping the blanket tightly around me.
I had given Damien my first time willingly, holding nothing back. And yet, he stood there and told me I wasn't worthy of him.
My heart squeezed painfully.
I watched silently as he fixed his hockey team jacket, adjusted his collar, and reached for his hockey bag. He was leaving… Just like that.
My throat tightened.
“You…” My voice shook. “You didn’t mark me.” I say.
He had promised me. He promised that if I allowed him to be my first, he would mark me as his Luna.
Damien paused for a second before turning toward me. There was no guilt in his eyes, no regret too. Only indifference and arrogance.
His gaze traveled over me briefly before he spoke.
“You are just an omega, do you really think you’re fit to become my Luna?”
The words sliced through my chest as I stared at him, unable to believe what I had just heard. Damien continued calmly.
“My heart belongs to Lizzy, not you.”
Something inside me shattered. It felt like invisible claws had ripped through my heart. This was my mate, the person destined for me by the Moon Goddess.
The one I had loved secretly for years. After taking my virginity, he stood there and told me I wasn't good enough for him. Telling me that another woman owned his heart. My lips trembled.
Damien Blackwood, the future Alpha of Crescent Moon Pack, the only son of Alpha Victor Blackwood. The one every girl dreamed about and the one I had secretly loved for years since I was a child while leaving in the maid quarters with my mother.
My mother worked as the chief maid inside the Alpha residence. After Father died, Mother and I moved into the pack house. She devoted her entire life to serving the Alpha family. And because of that, I grew up seeing Damien almost every day, watching him from afar and admiring him silently.
He was handsome, tall and powerful with an alpha aura. With dark hair and piercing gray eyes that always attracted my attention.
People said he carried the aura of confidence. He is also one of the biggest hockey stars at Silver Crest Academy. Almost every female student admired him, Including me.
The academy practically worshipped him. Girls followed him everywhere and his hockey matches were always crowded.
People cheered his name endlessly but Damien had always belonged to someone else. Lizzy Morgan. The head girl of Silver Crest Academy. She is beautiful, elegant.
She already had her wolf, a stunning silver she-wolf everyone admired. Rumors said they were perfect together, the ideal Alpha pair, the future Alpha and Luna.
People envied them, praised them supported their relationship and then there was me, Pamella Carter… the maid’s daughter.
Today was my eighteenth birthday, when I found Damien was my fated mated mate, I thought my prayers had finally been answered.
Even though my wolf had never come, there was no voice in my mind, no wolf spirit, nothing… I still believed that the bond between two souls chosen by the Moon Goddess could overcome anything.
So when he smiled at me and touched my face gently, called me beautiful, said he want me, I believed every word foolishly.
I believed he accepted me. I believed he would mark me.
Instead, after getting what he wanted, he was throwing me away as if I were nothing now, as if I were disposable.
I looked at him through my pain, tears blurring my vision.
“Please,” I begged, my voice trembling. “Don't do this to me.”
Suddenly, Damien’s hand grabbed my chin, his fingers tightened. His expression remained cold.
“Listen carefully,” he said. “You will never tell anyone about this.” My breathing became uneven as his eyes darkened.
“If anyone finds out, your mother’s life will pay for it.”
My entire body stiffened. My mother… He knew exactly where to hurt me. He knew she was my whole world. She had sacrificed everything for me, worked tirelessly every day despite her failing health.
And now he was using her against me.
“If you speak,” Damien continued calmly, “I’ll make sure she gets punished repeatedly for your mistakes.”
Tears finally escaped my eyes uncontrollably as I couldn’t stop them anymore. My vision blurred and I hated how powerless I felt.
I hated how easily he destroyed me.
“Have I made myself clear?” he asked and I nodded immediately, unable to speak.
My body trembled as tears rolled endlessly down my cheeks.
“W-why?” I stutter. “Why would you do this to me?”
Ignoring my question, Damien picked up his hockey stick, his expression didn’t change.
“The game is about to start, hurry up and leave. My team is counting on me. I don’t want you ruining my day.”
And with that… he walked away, leaving me behind. Leaving me broken.
I watched the door close and the silence that followed felt unbearable. I covered my mouth as sobs escaped me.
The tears I had been holding back finally poured out in choking sobs. Pain consumed me.
My mate had rejected me. Not officially, not publicly but in every way that mattered.
Putting myself together, I slowly removed the bloodstained sheets from around me. Then I dressed quickly. My hands shook so badly that I struggled to button my clothes. After fixing myself as best as I could, I slipped outside.
Keeping my head lowered and making sure nobody saw me. Making sure nobody noticed the tears in my eyes or my shattered heart.
Later that day, I found myself at Silver Crest Academy. Mother’s sickness got worse as she could barely leave her room. So she asked me to take her place and help with the cleaning duties around the academy.
Normally, I would have been happy to help. But today… Today everything hurt. The academy stadium was overflowing with people. Students filled every seat and teachers stood near the sidelines.
Pack members gathered proudly to support their teams and conversations echoed everywhere. Cheers erupted from the audience.
The atmosphere was alive. Energetic. Exciting. Yet I felt empty. Broken too.
Nervously, my eyes searched the field and found him immediately. He is now dressed in his hockey uniform, looking confident as ever.
As though he hadn’t destroyed someone’s heart only hours ago. As though I never existed.
I couldn’t stop watching him and even when I wanted to. Even when it hurt. The mate bond refused to let me look away.
Suddenly, the whistle blew and players began preparing themselves. And suddenly… Lizzy appeared.
She ran straight toward Damien with a bright smile on her face. Without hesitation, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. Right there… In front of everyone.
“Good luck,” she said happily. “Make me proud.”
Damien smirked slightly.
“Anything for you.”
The crowd cheered and some girls sighed dreamily. Others admired them openly. They looked perfect together. Like they were made for each other.
Meanwhile, I stood there trying not to fall apart. The mate pull twisted painfully inside my chest and it hurt more than I thought possible.
Watching my mate publicly claim another woman, watching him smile at her, talk to her gently and give her what I had desperately wanted, love, acceptance and a Luna future was unbearable.
I couldn’t stay there any longer. Heartbroken, I turned around quickly, desperate to escape. Desperate to breathe. But before I could get far, I crashed into someone, in front of a solid chest.
I looked up immediately. The person standing before me wore a hockey uniform and number 9 was printed across it. I recognized him, everyone did. He was the new student at Silver Crest Academy. Ronan Hayes.
Wiping my tears, I lowered my head and hurried away.
Chapter 2
Pamella’s POV
By the time I finally make it home that evening, my entire body feels heavy, I am exhausted.
After everything that happened with Damien this morning, I spent the rest of the day trying not to break down. I worked through the hockey game, helping Mother clean the stadium, picking up trash, wiping seats, carrying supplies, and pretending I was okay.
I cried when nobody was looking, I cried while scrubbing floors, I cried while washing the equipment.
By the end of it, my eyes burn, my feet ache, and my stomach feels painfully empty. All I want right now is a hot shower, my bed, and sleep.
Maybe if I sleep long enough, I can forget. Maybe when I wake up tomorrow, my heart won’t hurt this much anymore.
I unlock the front door and step into our small sitting room but Immediately, panic rushes through me.
“Mom!” I call out in shock. Mother is curled up on the couch beneath a blanket, clutching her chest as she struggles to breathe. Shes convulsing.
Her face is pale. Her breathing comes out in rough wheezes as I realize her asthma is acting up again. Fear grips my chest as I rush toward her.
“Mom! Stay with me.” I panicked as she points weakly toward the drawer near the television.
“Inhaler…” she gasps.
I run across the room and pull open the drawer. My hands shake as I search through medicine bottles, papers, and old receipts. Finally, I find it.
But my heart sinks at the realization that the inhaler is almost empty. I took it and hurried back to Mother as I helped her lift it to her mouth.
She takes a few breaths. Slowly, the wheezing begins to lessen. Little by little, her breathing steadies.
I let out a shaky breath. Every single time this happens, I feel like I’m losing her. And every single time, I become terrified all over again.
Mother is all I have. I never knew my father. He died before I could even remember his face and It’s always been just the two of us.
She raised me alone. She worked herself to exhaustion inside the Alpha residence and sacrificed everything for me. And now she’s getting weaker. Sicker. Older.
I don’t know what I would do if I ever lost her. Tears gather in my eyes. Quickly, I wipe them away. I don’t want her worrying about me.
“You should be resting.” Mother spoke weakly.
“You need to eat something.” I say and head into the kitchen and prepare something simple for her, nothing too fancy.
Just enough to make sure she eats. I sit beside her while she slowly finishes her meal. Only after I’m certain she’s feeling better do I finally stand.
“Get some sleep, Mom. Goodnight. I’ll come check on you later.”
I head to my room but sleep feels impossible. Not with everything that happened today. I walk into my room and close the door quietly behind me, I reach my bed and I collapse onto it.
Silent tears slide down my cheeks as I stare blankly at the ceiling. And my mind starts replaying everything. Damien’s words, his voice, his cold eyes, his threats.
His rejection.
“Do you really think you’re fit to become my Luna?”
My chest tightens painfully as I close my eyes. But I can still see him. I can still hear him. I can still feel the bond pulling at me despite everything.
Why? Why does the Moon Goddess allow mates to hurt each other like this? Why would she choose someone who doesn’t want me? Someone who loves another woman?
I don’t understand.
Just then, my phone suddenly rings as I blink and grab it from my bedside table. A smile almost appears on my face when I see the caller. It’s Tessy, my best friend.
We’ve known each other since childhood. Like me, she comes from a humble background. Her mother works for another family inside the pack.
She’s two years older than me and has always treated me like a younger sister. She protects me and supports me. And listens whenever life becomes too difficult for me.
I answer immediately.
“Hey.”
“Pam!” she says excitedly. Happy birthday again!”
I force a small smile. Tessy had called me earlier to wish me a happy birthday and even sent me a gift. She never forgets my birthday since we both share the same birthday.
“Thanks.” I say.
“So what’s the plan?” She ask.
“What plan?” I ask.
She gasps dramatically. “Really? You turned eighteen today! You’re officially an adult now. We’re going to celebrate in an adult way. I’ve already decided… We’re going to a club.”
My eyes widen.
“A club?”
“Yes.”
“Your first real adult experience.” She adds.
“We’ll dance. We’ll drink.” We’ll have fun.”
I hesitate.
“Tessy… I don’t know if I can….”
“Come on, Pam. You sound miserable. Staying home won’t help.”
She knows me too well.
She sighs. “Please. Just for one night. Let’s forget about our problems and be happy.”
Maybe she’s right. Maybe sitting in my room all night won’t change anything. Maybe I need a distraction. Maybe I need to stop thinking about Damien.
Even if it’s only for a few hours. With that, I finally nod.
“Okay.”
She squeals.
“That’s my girl! Get dressed, I’m coming over.”
An hour later, we arrive at one of the busiest clubs near Silver Crest Academy. Music pounds through the walls. The moment we step inside, loud sounds surround us. People dance everywhere. Bright colored lights flash across the room. Blue. Purple. Red. Green. Laughter echoes.
The place feels chaotic and wild as Tessy grabs my hand tightly.
“Stay close.” She said and I nod.
She guides me through the crowd until we reach the bar and sit down. Then she orders drinks for both of us. The bartender places a glass of alcohol in front of me as I pick it up immediately. It’s my first time so I took a sip, having to taste it. It burned down my throat.
Honestly, after today, I feel like drinking the entire thing just so it could help me feel better. But before I can, Tessy snatches it away.
“Slow down.”
I pout as she chuckled a laugh
“I’m not letting you drink everything. It’s your first time. We’re taking this easy.”
It feels good here, I won’t lie. Seeing different activities here feels so calm. Better than staying home. Better than lying in bed crying.
For a little while, the pain inside me fades. Not completely. But enough for me to breathe again.
Just then, a handsome guy approaches Tessy and asks her for a dance and Tessy didn’t refuse.
“Stay right here. I’ll be back.” She said to me as I wave her away.
Then, she follows him toward the dance floor as I watch her disappear into the crowd.
With that, I turn back toward the bar. Maybe one more drink won’t hurt.
I order another one and the bartender places it in front of me.
I lift the glass but before I can drink it, my eyes drift toward a private corner.
And I freeze. My heart stops. He’s here, along with Lizzy and several of his friends. They’re sitting around a table laughing and gambling with cards as Lizzy sits close beside him, wrapped around him.
Her arm rests possessively over his shoulders too. She leans against him while smiling brightly at the game. Damien looks relaxed, comfortable and happy.
A wave of fury and hurt rose inside me unexpectedly as my fingers tighten around my glass. Part of me wants to walk over there and snap at him, part of me wants to tell everyone the truth.
To tell Tessy, to tell the entire pack, to expose him of what he did to me, to let everyone know what kind of a person their future Alpha truly is. But another mind held me back. They won’t believe me if I try. Instead, they would call me desperate and Damien would use it against me and lie that I came throwing myself at him just like other girls.
Just then, I felt a hand wrap around my wrist as I startled. Turning around quickly, I looked up and recognized who it was instantly.
It’s The hockey player I bumped into earlier… the new student Ronan Hayes. His lips curled into a smile, not breaking eye contact with me.
Completely different from Damien’s cold expression.
“You never got to apologize, you know.” He said, letting go of my wrist. “I’m Ronan.” He stretches out his hand toward me and then he grins.
“I’ll accept a dance with you as an apology.” Then he winked at me as his other hand ran through his hair.
Chapter 3
Pamella’s POV
For a second, I just stare at him.
He really is handsome. Tall, broad shoulders, dark hair, and eyes that seem full of life. Girls have been whispering about him since he arrived at Silver Crest Academy.
But right now, I don’t have the energy for any of this. Not after everything Damien put me through.
Not after finding my mate wrapped around another woman only a few feet away from me.
With that, I force myself to look away.
“Sorry for bumping into you earlier,” I say quietly. My voice sounds distant, almost emotionless. “But I don’t want to dance with you.”
For a brief moment, surprise flashes across his face. Then he chuckles softly.
“Rejected already?”
“I just don’t feel like dancing.” I repeat.
He studies me for a second. But I don’t wait for him to ask questions, then I turn around and walk away.
I can feel his gaze following me, but I don’t look back, I don’t have the strength for conversations… Or pretending I’m okay.
I make my way through the crowd, passing dancing couples and laughing friends until I reach the hallway leading toward the restrooms. The music becomes quieter here as the flashing lights fades.
I lean against the wall, pressing a trembling hand against my chest. My heart is beating so fast. Seeing him with Lizzy hurts more than I imagined. Or maybe because the mate bond refuses to let me go.
No matter how cruel he is. No matter how much he humiliates me. My wolf still recognizes him. Still longs for him. Still aches for him. I thought I was moving on from him already here but I was wrong.
Tears begin filling my eyes as I quickly wipe them away. I hate this. I hate feeling weak. I hate loving someone who clearly wants someone else.
Damien chose Lizzy. He made that choice and he made sure I understood where I stand. I am nobody to him. Just a maid’s daughter. Just someone beneath him. Someone unworthy.
I lower my head, trying to calm myself. That’s when I hear laughter nearby. Several girls walking into the hallway as they stop not too far away from me. Completely unaware that I can hear every word they’re saying.
“Did you see the new hockey captain?” one of them squeals.
“Oh my Goddess,” another girl says dramatically.
“Ronan Hayes is ridiculously handsome.”
“I swear I’ve never seen a guy look that good before.”
“Same!”
“His body is insane.”
“It’s obvious he spends hours in the gym.”
“Those arms…”
“And his jawline.”
“Did you see his smile?”
“I almost passed out.”
The girls burst into delulu . One of them sighs dreamily.
“They said his family is super influential. I heard they’re one of the most powerful werewolf families in the north. And now he’s captain of the hockey team.”
Another said. “You are right! He’s literally perfect and rich.”
“Handsome and athletic.” Says another.
“What else could anyone want?” Another girl fans herself dramatically. “If he asked me out, I’d say yes immediately.”
“I don’t even care if he breaks my heart.”
They all laugh again.
“He probably already has a girlfriend.”
“No way. If he doesn’t, I’m volunteering.”
“Get in line.”
“I’ve never seen someone so attractive.”
“He looks like he walked out of a movie.”
“Seriously.”
“And his muscles?”
“Oh, don’t remind me. It’s obvious he trains every day. He has the perfect physique.”
“I’d gladly become a hockey fan for him.”
More giggles follow as It is obvious they’re completely fascinated by him. Daydreaming. Imagining things that will probably never happen.
I stay silent. I don’t really know Ronan, I only met him twice. Once when I accidentally bumped into him and now at the club. Yet everyone already seems captivated by him.
Eventually, the girls begin walking toward the restroom. As soon as they get close, I straighten up and don’t want anyone seeing me crying.
I don’t want pity and I don’t want questions. So I leave. Maybe this is fate. Maybe this is what the Moon Goddess intended. Maybe Damien was never meant to love me. Maybe I should stop fighting reality. He wants Lizzy. Not me.
And perhaps I should finally accept that. Taking a deep breath, I walk back into the club.
The loud music crashes into me again. I see people dancing, laughing, celebrating.
The sad part? life keeps moving even when ones heart is breaking.
With that, I return to the bar as the bartender glances at me.
“Another drink?”
I nod.
“Yes.”
He slides a shot toward me and I drink it immediately. The burn travels down my throat as It hurts.
But somehow, it feels better than the pain in my chest.
“Another.”
The bartender raises an eyebrow.
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
He pours another shot. Then another. And another. After a while, I stop counting. Everything begins feeling lighter. My thoughts become slower. My worries become quieter.
The pain dulls… Just a little and the lights begin blending together. My vision were starting to become blurry as I blink several times.
Trying to focus, trying to stay calm.
Then suddenly, I feel someone grab my wrist hard as I gasp, feeling tipsy.
My body stiffens and a familiar scent reaches me. I looked and saw Damien.
“What are you doing here?” He snapped in a cold tone. He is towering over me. His expression carries no warmth too. Only irritation.
Behind him stood his friends and beside him was Lizzy. She folds her arms across her chest as a mocking smile spreads across her face in disgust.
“What is the daughter of a maid doing in a place like this?” she asks. Her voice drips with arrogance as one of Damien’s friends laughs.
“Maybe she’s here looking for a Prince Charming.”
Another snickers. “Or maybe she thought she could find an Alpha willing to bring her into luxury.”
More laughter follows as someone else speaks.
“I didn’t know clubs allowed servants inside.”
Each word feels like another knife in my heart as I try pulling my hand away. But Damien refuses to let go.
His grip tightens, his expression remains unreadable and emotionless too.
“You should know your place,” Damien says coldly. His voice sending chills down my spine.
“It is disrespectful to be in the same club as your Alpha.” He adds.
Soon, my eyes begin stinging again even while tipsy. He didn’t just reject me, he wanted me very far away from him. More like I disgust him.
I refuse to cry, not in front of Lizzy and not in front of his friends. Not in front of him.
Shortly, Damien finally lets go of my wrist. Then he turns toward the security guards nearby.
“Guards!” Several guards immediately look over as Damien’s eyes return to me. Filled with authority, filled with command.
“Throw her out.” He snapped. My chest tightens painfully as I open my mouth, wanting to say something. Anything.
But before I can, a deep masculine voice came from behind me.
“She’s with me, Is that a problem?”
Everyone turn immediately toward the voice, Including Damien as my heart skips to see who it was. Ronan Hayes, the new hockey captain, walking toward us with his hands tucked casually inside his pockets. His expression is relaxed. But his eyes are fixed directly on Damien as I could feel the tension growing intense.
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